Experience this Newsletter in all its online glory. Go here
In this edition…
Healing: When you feel stuck, consider this…
Reverence: Unfoldment
Exploring: Mentoring & Coaching
Healing encompasses a comprehensive holistic approach, acknowledging the intricate web of factors that shape our well-being: our health, inheritance & genetics, environment, relationships, creativity, spirituality & self-care. Reverence is the deep respect & attention to the things that truly impact healing. Exploring is the journey into the deeper work, meeting the parts, wounds & survival strategies that keep us small, stuck & suffering with persistent symptoms & feelings.
I recently asked Paul Cheika, a mentor, confidante & Aletheia coach to talk on stuckness. Paul also happens to be my partner. These are his words…
Pic: Feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place.
1. Healing: When you feel stuck, consider this…
What does "stuckness" mean to you?
To me, "stuckness" is feeling trapped in a certain situation, mindset, or behaviour that holds you back from moving forward or feeling satisfied. But it's also a chance to explore and learn more about yourself. It's like hitting roadblocks in life, whether they're challenges, obstacles, or beliefs that limit your growth. Some of these roadblocks are easy to spot, but others are deeper and harder to see. It's not just about figuring out why you feel stuck on the surface; it's about digging deeper to understand the beliefs, feelings, and thoughts that keep you in that state.
How would you describe the sensation or feeling of being stuck?
Feeling stuck is like being trapped in a maze of emotions, thoughts, and physical limitations. Emotionally, it's like feeling confined and frustrated, like you're not living up to your potential. Mentally, it's like being stuck in repetitive thinking patterns, unable to find new solutions. Physically, it's like feeling weighed down and lacking energy, as if you're unable to move forward. Overall, being stuck makes life feel small and limited, like you're stuck in a rut and can't break free. It's a tough spot to be in, but recognising it is the first step toward finding a way out and moving forward again.
In what areas of life do people commonly find themselves feeling stuck?
People are stuck or blocked in all areas of life, relationships, work, wellbeing / illness, life transition……everywhere really, it’s part of life.
Can you share examples of situations where individuals may experience stuckness?
People can get stuck in all sorts of ways and for all sorts of reasons. Some of the more common causes are…..
Major life transitions: Significant life changes such as moving to a new city, starting or ending a relationship, changing careers, or becoming a parent can disrupt routines and identities, leaving individuals feeling uncertain or overwhelmed about the future.
Loss or grief: Experiencing the loss of a loved one, whether through death, divorce, or separation, can trigger intense feelings of grief and mourning. Coping with loss can be a challenging and prolonged process, leading individuals to feel stuck in their grief or unable to move forward with their lives.
Trauma: Traumatic events such as accidents, natural disasters, abuse, or violence can have profound and lasting effects on individuals' well-being, leading to symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and hindering their ability to function or engage fully in life.
Financial setbacks: Facing financial difficulties such as job loss, bankruptcy, or debt can create significant stress and uncertainty, limiting individuals' options and opportunities for advancement. Financial setbacks can lead to feelings of powerlessness or inadequacy, making it difficult for individuals to envision a brighter future.
Health challenges: Coping with chronic illness, disability, or mental health issues can impact individuals' quality of life and ability to pursue their goals and dreams. Managing health challenges may require significant time, energy, and resources, leaving individuals feeling stuck in a cycle of illness or recovery.
Career stagnation: Feeling unfulfilled or stagnant in one's career can contribute to feelings of disillusionment and frustration. Whether due to lack of advancement opportunities, mismatched skills and interests, or workplace conflict, career stagnation can leave individuals feeling trapped in a job that no longer serves them.
Relationship issues: Struggling with relationship conflicts, communication breakdowns, or trust issues can create emotional turmoil and uncertainty about the future. Unresolved relationship issues can lead to feelings of isolation, resentment, or disconnection, making it challenging to move forward in life.
Personal crises: Facing personal crises such as addiction, legal troubles, or existential questioning can prompt individuals to reevaluate their values, priorities, and sense of self. Personal crises can be destabilising and disorienting, leading individuals to feel stuck in a state of crisis or existential uncertainty.
Cultural or societal pressures: Navigating societal expectations, cultural norms, or systemic barriers can create additional challenges for individuals seeking to pursue their goals and aspirations. Discrimination, prejudice, or social inequality can limit individuals' opportunities and contribute to feelings of injustice or marginalisation.
Lack of support: Not having access to supportive relationships, resources, or communities can leave individuals feeling isolated and unsupported in times of need. Without a strong support system, individuals may struggle to cope with challenges and may feel stuck in their circumstances.
What are some signs or symptoms that indicate someone is feeling stuck?
It can show itself in so many ways……a few might be…..
Living in a highly reactive state
Feeling frustrated and angry
Fear of failure, and of success
Feeling overwhelmed
Repetitive patterns of behaviour
Pic: Unfoldment is a concept deeply rooted in the idea of natural growth and evolution.
2. Reverence: Unfoldment
How do you help people get unstuck?
In Aletheia coaching, we often use unfoldment to deal with various issues, including feeling stuck.
Life is an ever-deepening and unfolding journey. So is a coaching engagement. Unfolding requires the coach and client to work with exactly what is arising in the present moment as it is arising. It is a dance of work and Grace that requires the coach and client to trust that what is arising in the present moment is exactly what to work with.
— Steve March, Aletheia Founder
Unfoldment is a concept deeply rooted in the idea of natural growth and evolution.
Here are a few more insights:
Organic process: Unfoldment suggests that personal growth and development occur naturally, much like the unfolding of a flower's petals. It's not about forcing change but rather allowing it to happen in its own time and rhythm.
Trust and surrender: Embracing unfoldment requires a level of trust in oneself and in the process of life. It involves surrendering to the flow of events and trusting that things will unfold as they should, even if the path isn't always clear.
Present-moment awareness: Central to unfoldment is the practice of being fully present in the moment. By staying attuned to what is happening here and now, individuals can better respond to the opportunities and challenges that arise along their journey.
Acceptance and non-attachment: Unfoldment encourages acceptance of oneself and one's circumstances, without judgment or resistance. It's about letting go of preconceived notions or attachments to specific outcomes and instead embracing the unfolding process as it unfolds.
Continuous learning: Unfoldment recognises that personal growth is an ongoing, lifelong journey. It's not a destination to reach but rather a process of continual learning, discovery, and self-exploration.
What is the difference between self improvement and unfoldment?
The main difference between self-improvement and unfoldment lies in their underlying philosophies and approaches to personal growth.
Self-improvement comes from the space of self-deficiency. It is often driven by a perception of oneself as flawed or lacking in certain areas. It focuses on identifying weaknesses or shortcomings and actively working to improve them. This constant pursuit of self-improvement can lead to a relentless focus on fixing perceived deficiencies, which may, in turn, foster feelings of inadequacy or never feeling "good enough." Additionally, the emphasis on external standards or societal expectations may perpetuate a cycle of self-criticism and unrealistic expectations.
On the other hand, unfoldment takes a more holistic and accepting approach to personal growth. Instead of viewing oneself as flawed, unfoldment recognises the inherent worth and potential within each individual. It emphasises embracing one's authentic self and trusting in the natural process of becoming. Rather than striving to meet external standards of perfection, unfoldment encourages individuals to cultivate self-awareness, acceptance, and presence. This shift in perspective fosters a deeper sense of connection to oneself and the world around them, promoting a more authentic and fulfilling life.
In summary, while self-improvement focuses on fixing perceived deficiencies, unfoldment invites individuals to embrace their inherent worth and trust in the organic process of growth and self-discovery.
Self-improvement prevails in our global culture: we want to feel competent but often start from a feeling of deficiency. Self-unfoldment is based on the premise that nothing is missing, we just need to find it.
— Steve March, Aletheia Founder
Pic: Supporting you along the journey of life…
3. Exploring: Mentoring & Coaching
What is the difference between a mentor and coach?
Mentoring and coaching are both forms of guidance and support, but they differ in their approach and focus. Mentoring typically involves sharing expertise and advice. Mentors offer insights, wisdom, and encouragement to help mentees navigate challenges, develop skills, and achieve their goals. Coaching, on the other hand, is a professional relationship aimed at helping individuals clarify their goals, develop strategies, and achieve desired outcomes in various aspects of their lives. Coaches use a forward-focused approach, assisting clients in identifying strengths, values, and priorities, and supporting them in creating action plans for progress. However the roles are often blurred and are interchangeable.
Both mentoring and coaching relationships may involve elements of being a confidant. In mentoring, the mentor often provides a supportive and confidential space for the mentee to share personal thoughts, challenges, and aspirations. While the primary focus is on sharing expertise and guidance, mentors also offer empathy, validation, and a listening ear to their mentees. Similarly, in coaching, coaches create a safe and trusting environment for clients to explore their thoughts, feelings, and goals. Although the emphasis is on goal setting and action planning, coaches also offer emotional support and validation as needed. Thus, both mentoring and coaching can incorporate elements of being a confidant, nurturing trust and openness in the relationship.
What is the difference between a mentor/coach and therapist?
Mentors and coaches don't diagnose or treat mental illnesses or help clients with complex trauma. As a mentor and coach, if I notice a client is struggling in these ways, I would refer them to a psychotherapist or psychologist. This allows me to collaborate with the therapist to support the client. Mentors, coaches and therapists can help clients with their self-development by helping them deepen self-awareness, practice mindfulness, develop new emotional skills, learn new ways to build relationships, improve self-care, explore spirituality, do inner criticism work, shadow work, address work-life imbalances, learn to collaborate, and rediscover a sense of purpose and passion.
About Paul Cheika
I’ve been self-employed my entire career. I was born to a risk-taking entrepreneurial father who built a successful life in Australia after immigrating in 1950 with pennies in his pocket. As a result, I learned early on the need to drive your destiny. My career has spanned many years in the property and hospitality sectors and, more recently, as a Sydney-based business advisor applying my over 30 years of experience in the commercial world. While I’ve seen several commercial successes during this time, I’ve also had a number of setbacks along the way. Through these setbacks, not only at a business level but in my personal life, I’ve gathered many life lessons and deep learnings. I have been sharing these lessons with clients through coaching and mentoring to achieve transformative change from driving executive-level project management, guiding the decisions of high-net-worth investors and family offices, or in a support role as a thinking partner professional sounding board. As a believer in lifelong learning, I’ve recently completed training with aletheiacoaching.com This training will allow me to bring another dimension of practice to clients seeking to open themselves further to the power of their innate resourcefulness. Teamwork and collaboration come as second nature to me. I was blessed to be a Randwick Rugby player from 1978 until 1997, notching up over 350 games – and captaining numerous Randwick teams, including first grade, from 1995-1997. In recent years I have had the privilege of participating as a Lifeline crisis supporter. This experience has given me an even deeper insight into some of the issues affecting modern societies. To discover more about Paul go here